On what our elders keep, what they teach us, and why we need them so much.
Almost everyone holds a special memory of a grandfather or a grandmother. The smell of coffee dripping through a cloth filter, the Sunday cake, the story told for the hundredth time, the wrinkled hand holding ours as we crossed the street. They are simple memories, yet they stay with us for the rest of our lives.
Grandparents hold a unique place in the family. They are not the ones chiefly responsible for raising the children, as parents are, but neither are they guests. They are the bridge between past and future, the living memory of where we come from.
A presence as old as the family itself
Scripture speaks of grandparents with rare beauty. The Book of Proverbs says that “children’s children are the crown of old men.” In the Jewish tradition, handing down the faith from generation to generation is a sacred duty: “make them known to your children and your children’s children.” The Christian tradition honours Saint Anne and Saint Joachim, the grandparents of Jesus, and it is because of them that Brazil celebrates Grandparents’ Day on July 26.
In virtually every culture, the elderly have been seen as the guardians of wisdom. It was they who told the stories of their people, taught the trades, remembered the prayers and gave counsel when decisions were hard. A society that respected its elders knew that experience is a treasure money cannot buy.
What grandparents teach that no one else can
The family’s history. Who were our great-grandparents? Where do we come from? What was life like before us? Grandparents are the only ones who can answer these questions from the heart. When they leave before we have asked, much is lost forever.
Patience. Grandparents usually have something that parents, in the rush of life, cannot always give: time. Time to listen, to teach how to fish, to sew, to plant, to play dominoes. Unhurried time.
Perspective. Those who have lived through crises, wars, inflation, losses and fresh starts know that almost everything passes. Grandparents teach us that life has its ups and downs, and that storms can be weathered with faith and work.
Faith. For many people, it was a grandmother who taught them their first prayer, took them to their first Mass or first service, and prayed for them when no one else did. The faith of many families has been held up by their grandparents’ knees.
The value of work and of one’s word. Generations who built their lives through hard effort, often without schooling or comforts, remind us that dignity does not depend on wealth, and that a word given is worth more than any contract.
A world that forgets its elders
We live in a culture that celebrates youth and hides old age. Advertising sells the new, technology changes every month, and anyone who cannot keep pace seems to be left behind. Many elderly people live alone, far from their children and grandchildren, and spend entire days without a real conversation.
Families have changed, too. Relatives live in different cities, schedules are always full, and visits are put off until “whenever we can.” Children spend more time in front of screens than listening to the stories of those who lived before them.
For conservative thought, this is no small matter. A society that stops listening to its elders cuts its own roots. Edmund Burke spoke of society as a partnership between the living, the dead and those yet to be born. Grandparents are precisely the living link in that chain.
At the same time, Brazil is growing older. More and more families will have grandparents, and even great-grandparents, close at hand. It is an enormous opportunity, if we know how to embrace it.
When grandparents help raise the children
In many Brazilian homes, grandparents go beyond an affectionate role: they help raise their grandchildren while the parents work, and sometimes take on that responsibility entirely. Such generosity deserves recognition and gratitude.
It is worth remembering, too, that the relationship needs balance. Grandparents do not replace parents, and parents should not turn grandparents into permanent babysitters. The ideal is a respectful partnership: parents raise, grandparents support, and everyone speaks with one voice in front of the children.
How to bring grandchildren and grandparents closer
- Visit regularly. A weekly lunch, a late-afternoon coffee or a daily phone call make more of a difference than rare grand gatherings.
- Ask them to tell stories. Ask what their childhood was like, how they met, what they ate, what the town was like. Recording these conversations is keeping a treasure.
- Build the family tree. Doing it together with the grandchildren, with old photos and names, is a beautiful way to show children where they come from.
- Learn a craft from them. A family recipe, a piece of handiwork, tending the vegetable garden, a card game. What is learned with the hands stays forever.
- Pray together. For families of faith, prayer shared across generations is a bond that does not break.
- Put technology to good use. Video calls and photos can bring those who live far away closer. Teaching grandparents to use a phone is also a form of affection.
- Be patient. With the repeated stories, with the failing hearing, with the slower pace. One day it will be us.
Honour your father and mother, in old age too
The fourth commandment, “honour your father and your mother,” has no expiry date. It holds also, and perhaps above all, when our parents grow old, fall ill and come to need us. Caring for our elders with dignity, without abandoning them or treating them as a burden, is one of the marks of a healthy family and a healthy society.
And children watch everything. The way we treat our parents today is the lesson our children will learn about how to treat us tomorrow.
The family’s most visible roots
If the family is a tree, grandparents are the roots we can still see and touch. They carry the memory, the faith and the experience of generations, and they offer it all freely to anyone who has time to listen.
This week, a simple gesture is worth making: call, visit, ask, listen. While they are still here, there is still time to learn, to thank them and to say what needs to be said.
JEFD
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